Writing my opinions about all the problems in the world is a tedious task. So I think a little free write about myself is a good way to recover. After all, I need to take better care of myself. Last week I discovered, well, more like remembered, that I have the habit of putting others comfort and concern over my own. When conflicts arise, I tend to cave in because I instinctively know that I have the higher pain threshold and I won't hold anything against the other person. The problem is that this often sets the ground for the other person to take advantage of the situation, allowing their ignorance and disrespect to manifest. I need to stop putting myself at a disadvantage and take care better care of me because no one else will.
In other news, I haven't been to the bars in weeks, and I feel surprisingly good, almost like I've grown up. It's one of those moments where you realized that you were just doing it because everyone else was. And dear God, I do not need to spend $50 a night looking at creepy mustachios trying to pick up girls who don't even know how to properly take birth control pills. I don't need to soak in booze all night, trying to piece together some vague memories of good times, because quite honestly, all the memorable times in my life have been sober moments. Those nights of blurred images, the shouting and fighting, and the crazy girls has never amounted to anything more than stories. Am I proud of them? Not really. They're good bonding activities for college friends I guess, but not exactly stories for my kids to hear in the future. So I think that's what I'm looking forward to this school year - have more meaningful relationships with people. I'm still gonna go the bars and parties, but be less wasted, and take better care of myself. At some point I just need some closure damn it.
Shout out to Cindy and Mike, I can't believe we're still friends after all these years.
Cindy - I still remember all those times in high school we used to hang out, and at times would talk til the morning. I liked the fact that even after high school, and now graduating from college, we're still in contact. We've slowly grown apart these last few years, and sadly, I know that this is an inevitable process as time passes. Your charm and personality will always bring joy to those around you. I just want you to know that I appreciated you being there for me all this time, and I feel lucky to have known you. Don't forget about me best friend.
Mike - Family always comes first, we both know that, I'll always be there for you, and I know you will do the same for me. I was there the day you moved to Colorado, and we're still friends after all the crazy shit we've been through. I Remember your bald period, your eclectic personality, your habits of drinking too much. I've seen you grow and change in these past few years and I want you to know that I see so much potential in you. We both need to respect ourselves, and believe that we are capable of having whatever we want in life if we work for it. We are not as privileged as other people, but that's okay, because we are capable of working harder than anyone else. And so we deserve everything we've earned with our hands.
I have others to write about, but I am tired and need sleep. I shall write more in my next entry.
Thank you for this. I am so proud to be your friend.