Check the Blueprints

These are the days of break where I wake up lazily every morning from the twinkling sunlight at the corner of my eyes. There's a certain sense of serenity waking up like this. No sense of urgency, nothing to do on my list, no rush, no pressure. I feel calm, but at the same time, a little empty.

I can't help but ask how much of this do I deserve? Yes, I go to school and I work hard when I am in school. But I get all this time off, doing nothing all day except sleep, eat, and being unproductive. Meanwhile, my parents go to work all day to earn money for me and my sister. They rarely buy anything for themselves, or think about themselves when setting priorities. It's not that they enjoy their work, nor is their intelligence being put to good use. But there's a sense of urgency for me to be self-sufficient, because I am an adult and I can take care of myself. If I want something, I should be able to earn it. For me, it's a matter of respect and fulfillment. Spending your parents money on nice things will not earn you respect if you didn't deserve it. If you only buy things to have that empty sense of fulfillment, then what's the point? This isn't high school anymore, no one is going to be impressed. We're at the age where we are beginning to make out own stances in the world. Respect is earned by your actions, not your possessions, and that's where fulfillment comes in this. You are never going to appreciate the things you buy with your parents money as much as with your own money, or if you don't have your own money, didn't do something to deserve it. I would be much happier to wear torn jeans and ragged shoes down the street knowing I bought those with my own money than something I really didn't deserve. Being a guy helps I guess, what our personality says about us plays a much bigger role in our attractiveness than what's on our body or what we own, after all, those things are only temporary. Let's say your material possessions are going to be destroyed tomorrow, and what's left of you is just yourself, how much have you really lost?

I think the main thing is just to be honest about yourself, you should be your own harshest critic, no one will be more honest or judgmental towards you. A good person is one that keeps striving to be better, and it's never too late to start. Like Benjamin Button said,
"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "